On hiatus

I need a break. No, let me refine that statement: I need to concentrate on other, income producing pursuits, but I also need a break from the mental/psychic wear and tear that comes with being a blog superstar. (If there was an emoticon to signal wry self-deprecation, it would have followed that sentence.)

As a result, I’ll be tending to other matters for a while. There’s a risk to this hiatus, of course. Russian spammers might stop sending me their hilarious, ineptly worded “comments” that jam my site every day. Like this one:

Yo!, please, need your help. Can you recommend me a good quality beer which easy to find any where in the world!?

Thenks, bro. I am vaiting for answer!!!

Well, thenks for reading, comrade. But count on vaiting a long time. As for everyone else, please bear with me as I keep the wolf from the door.

51 Responses to “On hiatus”

  1. bc Says:

    Ve’ll be vaiting for your return & best of luck on those paid jobs. I look forward to reading WAW each morning. In the interim, doing some searching for that beer sounds good.

  2. BP Says:

    Dan, I have some contacts in Nigeria (also gramatically challenged) who might be able to help with the wolves. Now where did I put that email from the widow of the former oil minister?

  3. NotThatImportant Says:

    I, too, will miss the daily dose of WAW but the hiatus underscores my point on an earlier thread that eventually, a viable economic model for journalism and/or editorial commentary will have to emerge. Even GD can’t work endlessly for free.

  4. lippzee Says:

    you just went fishing. what’s wrong with you?

  5. John Says:

    Good luck with your income-producing endeavors Gearino.

    Will WAW lie flaccid and dormant during your extended absence - or will you possibly run a “Best of WAW” series in some kind of repeating loop? That’d be pretty cool if you ask me. Recycled Gearino is better than none at all.

    So whats’ on the agenda, dude?

    * ghostwriting Neil Diamond’s autobiography
    * writing the opening monologues for HUCKABEE
    * touring the USA as self-help guru Dan Geary. I’ll be on the lookout for your STOP SUCKING AT LIFE seminar coming to a city near me
    * assuming the fourth chair on THE MCLAUGHLIN GROUP. So long Eleanor Clift! Does Johnny Mac have a nickname for you yet? It’ll have to be good to top classics like Freddie-De-Beedle-Barnes, Jack Germond-o and Mor-TON Kondracke.
    * Flipping houses in Somolia.

    Whatever it is, I’m behind you all the way.

  6. Doug Says:

    We all go back to work at some point or another. Good luck Big Guy.

  7. John in Carolina Says:

    I’ll miss your blogging.

    Good luck with the paying work.

    Hope you’re back so.

    John in Carolina

  8. Chappy Says:

    Work hard, come back soon.

  9. Then he Says:

    I’ll miss you too Dan. Would write something witty about your blog going the way of newspapers, but that might start something.

  10. John Says:

    OK Gearino.

    Good joke. Funny stuff. “Dear friends, I’m going on hiatus. See ya!”

    Call me gullible. I bought it. So did all these other maroons who posted their best wishes. You got us! Whooooo! Whatta burn! Ouch!

    So whattaya got for us dude? When can we expect the next Drive By Pontification? What You Tube vid has caught your fancy recently? Probably another nubile Turkish chick shakin’ her money-maker. What’s the current market vaule of the N&O these days? I really don’t give a crap about this one, but I’m grovelling here.

    Hello? Gearino?

    Bastard.

    Screw you. Who needs WAW? Anne Landers and her twin sister are still around aren’t they? No? They died?
    I really liked them. “Dear Schnivelling In Scheattle, Don’t let your feelingsh of inadequeshee shupresh your deshire to purshue a conshtructive shexual relationship Shufferin’ shuccotash”.

    Don’t force me to read Randy Cohen, Gearino. I’m beggin’ ya.

    Geareeeennoooooooooooo?

    I don’t think he’s coming back, people.

  11. But Seriously Says:

    Is there a prize for the last comment to be posted at WAW?

  12. mikey Says:

    I hope so.

  13. john Says:

    I’m glad you asked that question, But Seriously! I don’t know if there is, but there ought to be one.

    How about a choice from among these fine prizes?

    * A Yankee Dime from Gearino’s web provider. This is better than it sounds. She’s a former Swedish swimsuit model. When I say former, I mean like, real former. It was back in the 1950’s. She still looks pretty good in a one-piece though.
    * An afternoon at the Shangri-La Day Spa (right off Dean Smith Blvd). This free offer includes an exfoliation, back hair removal and fifteen minutes in one of the Spa’s tanning beds.
    * A weekend trip to The Smokeys Mountains for a timeshare pitch (transportation not included). You’ll receive free accommodations (including a continental breakfast) at the Cherokee Motor Lodge -where there hasn’t been a nude, lifeless body discovered in one of the rooms for over two years. Ask about their mailers too!
    * A $25 gift certificate from Stuckey’s
    * Two courtside seat tickets for the Charlotte Hornets/Seattle Supersonics game scheduled for February 12, 2001.
    * A copy of THEY CALL ME MR T, CRAZY FOOL! autographed by the author, Richard “Mr T” Pennimen. Gearino wrote the comments inside the dust cover.

    As of right now, it looks like I win the prize - if there is one. Think I’ll take the gift certificate from Stuckey’s. My wedding anniversary is coming up in June.

  14. john Says:

    DISCLAIMER
    The use of the name Cherokee Motor Lodge was arbitrary on my part and I have no knowledge of such an establishment.
    If there is in fact a Cherokee Motor Lodge in the Smokey Mountains (or anywhere else for that matter) I have no doubt that a lifeless body has never occupied the premises - unless that’s where my wife and I spent our honeymoon. But even then. the term “lifeless” is only an expression as my wife is very much alive at the writing of this post.

  15. Cherokee Motor Lodge Says:

    Nice try, John.

    You still owe us for a set of bath towels, two Cinemax After Hours movies, and we noticed all the bottles that you refilled with water in the mini-bar.

    We have backtraced your IP address and referenced the Gates Criss-Cross index to determine your home location. A representative from our Collections department (most likely Cletus, he gets out of jail Wednesday) will be calling on you to receive the outstanding portion of your bill.

    We suggest you have cash ready. Sorry, we don’t take Stuckey’s gift certificates, and we already run Security for the Shangri-La Day Spa. Which, by the way, you still owe Miss Tom Yum a gratuity for, ahem, hair removal services rendered.

  16. But Seriously Says:

    What is a Hiatus anyway, and how do you get on one? Are they very tall? Can I buy one at Target? Frankly it sounds rather painful to be on one, but as is often the case, I really don’t know what I am talking about.

  17. MIT Says:

    Hi John,

    Would love to ask you expert opinion on this information I came across.

    Everyone is aware of how Timothy Tyson showed his true self during the Duke Lacrosse Hoax. And of course he is well known for his Southern tales.

    This website
    has some pretty hard stuff related to Tyson. All very convincing. And it appears that Mr.Tyson has not attempted to deny any of the lies that are disputed there.

    Is the media just waiting around till the movie comes out, Or they doing their own research?

  18. MIT Says:

    Sorry John need to make a correction for the link I provided.

    Here is a working link on Tim Tyson.

  19. MIT Says:

    Well maybe third time will work http://www.timothybtyson.com/

  20. MIT Says:

    Hell John,
    I thought you wanted to talk about something.

    Did you lose your stomach when you saw Tyson on that website?

    I can’t blame you for that.

  21. john Says:

    No disrespect MIT.

    I figured your reference to “expert” opinion was tongue-in-cheek. The last thing I was actually qualified to opine about was Miller Light - “Tastes Great!” or “Less Filling!” It’s neither dammit. That’s why I’m a Rolling Rock man.

  22. JDew Says:

    Mr. G:
    I am not sure what it says about all of us, but that fact you stopped writing on April 27 and the conversation continues today means you can be quite the provacateur. We need to start a small syndicate, sell your stuff to the smaller dailies and the non-dailies around the state that always need good, smart thinking and writing laced with wit. If we line up 30 papers at $50 a month in exchange for 4 weekly takes from you, you’re talking nice little income stream. It wont be the answer to all of it, but it’s one piece of coin. Come back soon.

  23. MIT Says:

    John–

    It’s good that you can always make light of things, and you are very funny most of the time. No doubt about that.

    Dan has a good blog and as we know he is a successful writer and I learn a lot from reading his blog.
    But the one thing I regret is that the comment section always has to be bland.

    No one challenges much and no one wants to discuss significant topics. These things affect all of us whether or not you believe it.

    Tyson is just one example of how some make a living off lies and deliberately harming other people. That’s why he felt free to do what he did in the lacrosse case.

    Religion and race are two topics few can touch because, in my opinion, they have so many unresolved personal issues themselves.

    Now that the great Dan is on hiatus it’s a good time to reflect back on the blog.

    And as I see it the best time and the most exciting time was late last year when we actually had a few commenters who brought intelligent and informed debate to the discussion.

    I was just trying to add some serious issues for discussion since the opportunist Tyson will soon be celebrating that a little movie was made out of his altered fictional tale.

    That website I picked up on another blog is informative.
    But I guess PC and nice jokes must reign in the comment section.

  24. Impressed Check Says:

    Dear Dan,

    I miss you.

    Fondly,
    I.C.

  25. MIT Says:

    Don’t you mean impressed CHICK”.

    Times have changed. You’ll never get a man–even Dan–that way.

  26. NotThatImportant Says:

    Well, since GD is looking to make a few bucks, perhaps “Check” stands a better chance.

  27. John Says:

    I’ve often wondered what “I.C.” stood for. I mean besides Truth, Justice, and The American Way.

    Now we know. Mystery solved.

  28. But Seriously Says:

    Does anyone know where I can get some hiatus?

  29. The Atus Store Says:

    Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

    End of the month closeout at the Great Atus Store!

    We’ve got economy grade Loatus!
    We’ve got mid-grade Mediatus!
    And NOW!
    We’ve got industrial journalist-strength Hiatus!

    That’s right! You can boost your atus from low to medium or even literary professional intoxigrade hiatus!

    We can provide you with BULK Hiatus, just provide us with a photocopy of your press credentials, or your transcript from the Poynter Institute, or forty scratch-off cards from the NC Educational (for the time being) lottery.

    Or dial 1-888-HII-ATUS in the USA (offer not valid outside of North America or within the Halls o’ McClatchy). Void where prohibited, forbidden, or disapproved of by the intelligentsia.

  30. MIT Says:

    Suggestions for this blog.

    Either spice it up! Throw it on the grill and put some heat to the topic.
    Or dig a hole and bury it.

    It’s like everyone has a case of lockjaw.

  31. John Says:

    Look at us, people.

    It’s like we’re all nieces and nephews of our favorite, departed uncle. He did respectable magic tricks and broke heinous wind for our pleasure after we pulled his finger. Boy did mom hate that - which made it all the more enjoyable. Remember the time he cleared the room right in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner? Damn, you can’t buy memories like that.

    Best was, he doled out dollar bills like business cards. He was always good for a few bucks that we could blow on baseball cards, Smarties and jawbreakers.

    Unfortunately, Uncle Dan’s gonna be “away” for a spell. A hiatus he called it. How dare he. I shall never forgive him this transgression. What’s so freaking important that he can’t spare ten minutes to post a message to his devoted readers?

    “Dear friends.
    I am fine. Rolling in dough and gettin’ busy on a regular basis. Hobnobbing with luminaries of every stripe. Wish you were here (not really, that’s just an expression). As you were.

    I am, and always will be, Your Uncle Dan.

    Me personally, I’m stuck somewhere in the middle of my stages of grief. Actually, I’m pissed. Wait, that is one of the stages.

    Let’s face it, we’re on our own. MIT, can you make a quarter appear from behind my ear? But Seriously, how about mustering up a fart to impress and delight your fellow diehards?

    Hold on a sec, I might be able to handle that one myself.

  32. John Says:

    Things to do on WAW during Dan’s hiatus

    * Make “hiatus” jokes. It is a funny-sounding word and I enjoyed the hi, medium, low wordplay
    * Persuade I.C. into posting a picture of herself on the blog
    * Use WAW as a bulletin board to organize a day trip to Gearino’s house - wherever in the Triangle area it may be. That’s right, Danny boy. The restraining order so artfully crafted by your lawyer is about to expire. Free at last, I am. Expect a visit soon. I’m bringin’ friends - as soon as I make some. And my Uncle Cletus too (if he can find his prosthetic leg). Last I saw it, he was using it as a club to bludgeon a tree shrew.
    * Google “tree shrew” to find out if they’re on an endangered species list. They damn sure will be if Uncle Cletus has anything to say about it
    * Word Scramble games. Here’s one. It’s how I’m described on my psyche profile from my last job:

    T R P O M N I A S E H

  33. John Says:

    Here’s another constructive activity (for me anyway - it’s better than starting fires).

    Figure out Gearino’s MCLAUGHLIN GROUP nickname. I hear through the grapevine that he’s lobbying hard for Eleanor Clift’s chair. Ruthless he can be sometimes.

    * Gerry-mander-ee-no
    * Eagle Beak (look at the schnoz on the guy)
    * Danny-boy-the-pipes-the-pipes-are-callin’-ye-Gerry-mander-ee-no. Hell, Johnny Mac will have forgotten the quesiton by the time he spit out that moniker
    * The Square from The Triangle
    * Award winning author and distinguished journalist - nah, that one really sucks
    * Dr Love (with apologies to Gene Simmons)
    * INSERT YOUR SUGGESTIONS HERE

  34. John Says:

    Guess what happens if you peruse a couple months worth of WAW archives? You detect a pattern. A pattern of sloth and mendacity that an Italian civil servant woud be hard-pressed to match.

    And let it now be said for the record that my life is pitiful, pitiable (I need someone to cradle my head in their ample bosom) and pathetic. Four posts in less that two days to a blog dormant for over a month. I’m starting to scare myself.

    Ah, so what? Without further ado, check out this random selection of closing lines from WAW blogs.

    “All that’s a long way of saying I’m off duty for the rest of
    the week. See you Monday, Jan. 5.”

    “I’ll be back in a few days. As always, I appreciate your visits.”

    “I’m taking the rest of the week off, Have a safe and happy
    Thanksgiving, and know that I appreciate your patronage.”

    “All this is a long way of explaining that I will be an unreliable
    correspondent this vacation week. Maybe there will be a new post here every morning. Maybe there won’t.”

    “I’m taking a few days off to revel lazily in the last days of
    a fading summer.”

    “… don’t waste everyone’s time. That’s the rule here at WAW, and that’s why today’s post will be short.”

    “Buzz off! Get a life, you wackadoo!”
    (OK. So this one I got one time in a private response from the big guy).

  35. Impressed Chick Says:

    Yes, it is Chick….and DG already has my picture.

  36. Impressed Chick Says:

    Dear Dan,

    How’s the book coming along? The Yuengling is still cold!

  37. MIT Says:

    Well, why don’t you let everyone see the picture you sent Dan?

    If it’s any good, at least we’ll know Dan is having some fun.

  38. I.C. Says:

    When are you coming back, Dan?

  39. NotThatImportant Says:

    John,

    If you are to be pitied, one must take pity on all our poor souls as we continue to check back here only to find our appreciated patronage is rewarded with more hiatus. Maybe you can start your own blog — words assembled haphazardly — so we would at least have somewhere to go with fresh content. Otherwise, we might have to conduct a seance to conjure the spirit of GD. Anyone have a ouija board? Pathetic I know but I’m personally having trouble filling the void left in want of the drive by pontification.

  40. G.D. Gearino Says:

    I.C.: The new book is half-done, but like this blog, it’s also taking a rest. I’ll be back to both directly. (I’ve found that “directly” is an eminently useful word. Southern people use it reflexively to sidestep all specifics.)

    NTI, John (and everyone else): Your comments are as entertaining as anything I’d write. Why should I mess up a good thing by getting back to work?

  41. Sheila Says:

    I miss the blog.

  42. I.C. Says:

    Well, I guess I’ll just check back in directly!
    Please remember…..you hooked me on your writing while you were at that newspaper and the withdrawal is becoming painful.
    ….wishing you the best, however, and hope that your endeavors are profitable.

  43. NotThatImportant Says:

    GD, what’s the deal with you checking in and not dropping a few well articulated thoughts on us? Do you get notice that the comments continue in your absence or are you like the rest of us saps — continually checking back in hope that you somehow authored a post while you were sleeping? Personally, I’m glad to know you’re still alive — perhaps we won’t need the ouija board after all.

  44. MIT Says:

    Well has anyone thought that maybe since GD checked in, he was on the way to refill his prescription for Viagra? We know he has that picture of a good looking woman with him.LIS

    It’s possible he has the real thing with him also.LOL

    Enjoy yourself GD, we will be here when you get back!

  45. I.C. Says:

    Dear John,

    T R P O M N I A S E H is??? I’m usually pretty good at word scrambles but this one has stumped me. Everything I come up with is either obscene or doesn’t use all the letters.

  46. John Says:

    Sorry I.C.

    Maybe I scrambled the scrambled word (or worse, misspelled it). Nope. That’s it.

    T R P O M N I A S E H = M I S A N T H R O P E

    I always defined misanthrope as a social outcast. While checking my spelling on Wikipedia, I noticed their definition to be “one who hates mankind”.

    Well, that definitely ain’t me. I love my fellow man - especially Antonella Barba, the semi-finalist on American Idol last year. The poor girl couldn’t sing for bat turds - but I admired her spunk (and her internet pictures).

    I wonder what the shrink in HR at my last job was driving at? Must have been that time when I released ten thousand pissed off bees at the company picnic.

    Mean-spirited or not, that prank was a logistical nightmare. You try executing a surreptitious transport of two commercial-sized bee hives some time. That many bees makes a constant humming sound too - kinda like a big electric transformer - impressive.

    Hell, I shoulda been commended for pulling off the prank. But no. Allergic reactions, property damage, undermining company morale, civil litigation. The list of offenses went on and on.

    Why does everybody always have to find fault? Human nature I guess.

    And further research indicates it (The Misanthrope) was even the title of a play by some dude named Moliere.

  47. I.C. Says:

    O.K. I think I understand now. Please don’t think I’m finding fault, though. I’m sure you are a fun person to be around and an engaging conversationalist, especially if I’m sober. I don’t think I could follow you otherwise….

  48. Wayne Says:

    Ah Moliere. A man who loved the stage enough to die upon it.

    When you get back GD, you should give thought to taking up ethereal internet space on Twitter. I’m sure your one liner updates from the produce section of the local Food Puma would make you a Tweetin’ star.

  49. John Says:

    Seems Gearino’s got something in common with this Moliere guy. He’s died on stage a couple times himself.

    His one-man show: “Seventy Six Tributes to John Phillip Sousa: Dan Gearino and His Trombone” closed after the opening performance - actually twenty minutes into the performance.

    Gearino had barely started Tribute # 8 when the audience decided to toss in their collective towel.

    I was there. It was excruciating. I’ve never seen a crowd flee a venue with such vigor in my life - and I’ve been to a Garth Brooks concert - without the presence of an imminent threat to life or limb. But now that I think about it, there were a few folks with blood streaming from their ears.

    And to the everlasting credit of the crowd, theirs was an orderly evacuation. No stampede, no injuries. Not like the other time.

  50. John Says:

    After his ignoble stint as Dan The Weekend Weatherman on WFRT TV, Muncie, Indiana ended, Gearino decided to give stand-up comedy a shot.

    “Why not?” Dan asked himself, “I am one funny sumbitch!” That self-congratulatory evaluation was not without merit. Gearino the weather guy was a hit with the locals.

    Dan The Weekend Weatherman was attired in a Robert Hall suit ill-equipped to cover his lanky frame. And his trademark fake nose and horn rimmed glasses bestowed upon him a goofy and undeniable appeal.

    So for three minutes and twenty five seconds on both Saturday and Sunday nights, August 22 and 23, 1975, WFRT’s loyal viewers were treated to TV magic.

    Saturday’s show was fraught with the expected glitches of any maiden voyage. Dan manfully recovered from the dead microphone incident that marred the beginning of what he coined “weather-tainment”. And nobody much objected to his tendency to face the wrong camera - which was weird in that WFRT had but one.

  51. John Says:

    A reasonable person might classify an unzipped fly and a tendency to openly respond to off-camera direction with “I know I need to pick up the pace, get off my ass!” as fatal flaws in an aspiring TV personality. A reasonable person never saw Dan The Weekend Weatherman. And a reasonable person better look quick, because this glorious flower reached full bloom, then wilted away in a matter of minutes.