Take his wife. Please.
I had some heavy fare here last week, for which I’ll either apologize or say “You’re welcome,” depending on what exactly it is you seek when you visit WAW. As a change of pace, today I offer a collection of one-liners courtesy of my pal Frank King, a former Raleigh resident who now lives on the West Coast and makes his living as a stand-up comic, comedy writer and John Edwards impersonator. Really. I’m not making this up. Go here if you don’t believe me.
First, though, an explanation: I caught up with Frank last week only because I was trying to call a buddy in Atlanta after I’d found myself in the parking lot of my dentist’s office with a few minutes to kill before my appointment. (No cavities to report, but thanks for asking.) I scrolled through my cell-phone archive to see if I could find my buddy’s number, and found one I thought was his. But when I dialed it, I found myself with Frank on the line. During the ensuing conversation he told me he was now writing jokes for Air America’s Jon Elliott (”The Most Dangerous Liberal in America”), and offered to send me samples. He did — so I’ll now turn over the remainder of today’s program to Frank. Take it away, funny boy:
Did you see the President of Iran speak at the UN? Is it me or did he look like he got dressed in the dark? What’s with the five-day growth of beard and the thrift-shop sheik duds? He looks like he ought to be standing on a street corner holding a sign that says: “Will Nuke for Food.”
Imagine the nerve of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad speaking before the U.N. and insulting our country. Why can’t he just take out an ad in the New York Times like everybody else?
A Swedish man of Lebanese descent with ties to al Qaeda in Pakistan has been arrested in the Czech Republic for operating a terrorist training camp in Oregon. A lawyer has volunteered to defend the man in exchange for his frequent flyer miles.
Former President Bill Clinton was on Martha Stewart Wednesday. He also appeared on her TV show.
A religious sect leader has been found guilty in Utah of polygamy. Ironically, he was found guilty on one of his wedding anniversaries — although, the odds of that were actually pretty good.
Police at an art gallery in London have confiscated a photograph of two young naked girls that is owned by rock star Elton John. I’m shocked. Not that cops would seize the photo, that Elton John would be interested in pictures of young naked girls.
Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it …
Isn’t this more of an R. Kelly crime?
(Cue rimshot.) Hey, you’ve been a great crowd. Thanks for reading, and remember to tip your server.